Friday night I was in shadows at Yankee Stadium, despite the complete lack of sunshine upon me, as the $50 face value seats were surrounded on nearly all sides by concrete. Including the giant overhang about 3 feet above my head.

That’s not even me pointing in that silhouette; it’s the guy in front of me, arm forged to my torso by darkness, positioned as if to say, “Look! That’s where the outside is. Where baseball is played. Someday I hope to be there.”

I hope they take these things into account as they build the new Yankee Stadium across the street.

It’s amazing how seldom baseball owners seem to realize that people who go to their teams’ games would actually like to enjoy the experience.

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Two weeks from tonight I’ll be on stage hosting the first “What’s My Line? - Live On Stage” in New York. Still feels weird. But it’s very exciting as things are actually coming together. I’m beginning to see mentions in the press and we have our first panel locked in….

*Betsy Palmer!
*Michael Riedel!
*Stephanie D’Abruzzo!
*Barry Saltzman!

We have a great Mystery Guest to kick things off and we’re planning some fun surprises to commemorate our first show.

My co-producer and director Jim Newman is about to land at Islip airport after a long day of free travel on Southwest. If all goes well, he’ll be traveling with a bin of our props and a bag full of my tuxedo and ephemera. It would be a bad time for luggage to get lost, though I’d be amused if someone else finds a use for our flip-cards numbered 1 through 10 and a tuxedo that is tailored exactly for me.

Found out today that one of our potential sponsors passed on the opportunities, which is a bummer because we could’ve used their service and I think we would’ve had a great time promoting them. The good news –we’re wide open and available to negotiate! Got anyone who wants to sponsor our show?

Looks like we do have a stage manager and running crew and the theatre reports our first ticket sales –thank you, New York!

Oh, and I got the first batch of post cards! …and there’s a typo. “Unsual” instead of “Unusual”. Nobody noticed it until I opened the package. Oh well.. even more motivation to get rid of them. Some day it will be a collector’s item. For now, I have 1000 reminders that Adobe Acrobat doesn’t have spellcheck. (My blogging tool does have it. Apparently, “spellcheck” is not a word.)

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No cover, no drink minimum, nuttin’. Bring pals and let’s hang out and catch up afterwards.

It’s my first stage time since I’m back in New York, so I hope you can be there. Yay!

Monday, December 17 - 7pm

StorySwap
Time Out New York Lounge
downstairs at New World Stages
340 West 50th Street (btwn 8th and 9th Avenues)
FREE

Ophira Eisenberg and J. Keith van Straaten debut their new story-reading format on the New York storytelling scene with the world premiere of their StorySwap series. A select group of writers read all-true autobiographical stories directly from the page. The twist? They read each others’ stories… and, they don’t know which story they’ll read until they walk on stage! Why? Find out!

Featuring:
Andy Christie (The Liar Show)
Adrianne Frost (My uncle loves her!)
J. Keith van Straaten (host of Yahoo! Answers On The Street)
Theresa Benaquist (Fancy Writer credits)
Mark Katz (He knows Bill Clinton!)
and Ophira Eisenberg (you know, all kinds of stuff)

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Besides being a pal, she’s the genius behind this award-winning piece…

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No cover, no drink minimum, nuttin’. Bring pals and let’s hang out and catch up afterwards.

It’s the only stage time I think i’ll have in New York this trip, so I hope you can be there. Yay!

Wednesday October 3rd, 8pm-9pm

Speed Reading
Time Out New York Lounge
downstairs at New World Stages
340 West 50th Street (btwn 8th and 9th Avenues)
FREE

Ophira Eisenberg and J. Keith van Straaten up the ante on the New York storytelling scene with the world premiere of their Speed Reading series. In less than 60 New York minutes, a select group of writers read all-true autobiographical stories directly from the page. The clock is ticking –can all the compelling stories be told before the lobby is flooded with intermission traffic from the New World Stages’ theaters? Find out!

Featuring:
Andy Christie (The Liar Show)
Adrianne Frost (Law and Order, Daily Show)
Dion Flynn (LOGO’s Big Gay Sketch Show)
J. Keith van Straaten (host of Yahoo! Answers On The Street)
John O’Donnell (The Made Up Musical)
and Ophira Eisenberg (you know, all kinds of stuff)

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I’m off to New York for 10 days. It’s 3:30 a.m. and I’ve been up packing. I’m not sure why, but if I have a flight the following day that takes off before 11am, I won’t go to bed the night before. I don’t think I’ve ever gone to sleep with a packed suitcase in the house. It just doesn’t feel right.

The Manhattan Monologue Slam was fun. This is my fifth or sixth time being a judge (here and in New York). Once again, the performer to whom I gave the highest score was the ultimate winner. The performers in L.A. are very gracious. Many came up to me afterwards and thanked me for being a judge, giving them feedback, etc. One even said it was an honor to perform for me. I’m pretty sure she had confused me for someone else, but it was still a nice sentiment.

I also ended up running into a bunch of folks I know and saw some really good work on stage. The venue, Safari Sam’s, is incredible. My friend Julia does their promotions and booking, and I can see why she’s so excited about it. It worked well as a theatre stage; it looks killer as a rock club.

While in New York, I’ll be producing and reading in a storytelling show on Wednesday, October 3rd. More details to come. My friend Ophira and I are putting it together right now. If all goes well, we’ll try to make it a regular thing.

I’ll have plenty to document from the family, friends, and meetings I’ll have. What I think will be most interesting is my first visit back to my college campus in over a dozen years. I somehow got nominated and then elected to my school’s alumni board, and I’ll be there for my first meeting. The school is also inaugurating a new president, and as a new alumni board member, I get to go to the celebratory dinner. Finally, this liberal arts education is paying off. I wonder if I can get some extra food to go.

Yikes… One of my cats has peed on my carry-on bag. Good thing I hadn’t packed anything in it yet.

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I thank the lord for the people I have found.

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Hello from Hollywood. Or from West Los Angeles.

Yes, it’s been too long since I’ve written. Sorry if I’ve sped up the productivity of the world’s workplaces, but I’ve been traveling a lot, I didn’t have wifi where I was living in New York, I’ve had a cold for a week, I had to move, the sun was in my eyes, there was a hole in my glove, and somehow I blame the government too.

Anyhow, like the title says, here I am. I’m laying low all day, trying to get rid of this cold-like thing before I start an exciting new project that I don’t know if I’m allowed to mention yet. When I do though, hold on, Sally! It’ll be a doozy.

In the meanwhile, I’m glad to report that my travels and travails have almost all been for good reasons –for work and for family.

Cinco D’Erby
I went to the Kentucky Derby in Louisville (that’s where they were holding it this year) and got to see my grandma, uncles, aunt, cousins, a great uncle, a step-aunt, some step-cousins, a cousin-in-law, and miscellaneous strangers.

By the way, how can you make sure that you’re in Kentucky? When you see signs like this at the Cingular store…

It’s a looooooooooong day. The Derby itself lasts about two minutes, but it’s the 10th race of the day. To make sure folks buy plenty of mint juleps (sold by strolling vendors alongside cotton candy and hot dogs), the races are spread out with an hour between each one. This gives plenty of time for social observation and commentary.

Here’s all I remember, as I caught a cold somewhere along the way: The most striking thing to me about the Derby aside from the sheer numbers (I think it’s the largest-attended event I’ve ever been to: over 160,000) was the combination of High and Low –the fancy-hatted upper-class in the glass boxes and the truck-hatted working-class in the infield. Not exactly mingling –they were literally separated by locked steel gates. Still, what’s the last event you can think of attended by both Queen Elizabeth, Kid Rock, and O.J. Simpson?

Gimme An E!
A gig, you ask? Yep, I got to add some more snark to the world by commenting for E! on their new Wildest Reality Dating Show Moments 2 show… premiering sometime in June. It was me and only 5 other panelists, so there should be loads of your ol’ pal making fun of people looking for love and/or TV time. The extra bonus this time was the shirt I got to wear. More on that later.

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Hi Friends,

Good news and bad news today. Like most days, really, when you think about it.

Anyhow, the Summer Movie Guide I wrote for Yahoo! is up, live, has dropped… whatever the kids say these days. Check it out!

If you want snarky synopses, reasons to see, and bet-you-didn’t-know factoids about the 49ish major movie releases between May and August… this is the place for you! And for me!

What’s not the place for me? “Best Week Ever,” apparently. Got the call from VH-1 today that they’re cutting back on panelists and I won’t be coming in for interviews anymore. It’s a bummer, but not entirely unexpected –I hadn’t been on in a couple of months anyway. I do appreciate being told directly by phone though. Among the worst things about showbiz is the not knowing, especially about a job you thought you had. First off, the “talent” is usually the last to know anything about any decisions. And even then, it’s often found out third-hand, if you’re lucky.

But… there’s room for my commentary on basic cable still… will be shooting another interview for E!. This one about reality dating shows I think. And I’m waiting for the airing of another one –about swimsuit moments– that I shot in March. It’s important stuff.

Maybe the key is to do work for companies who have exclamation points, and not hyphens.

More exciting news to come. Thanks for making it this far.

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Come see me read something I wrote! Yeah!

As of 5pm on Saturday, I have no idea what I’m going to read. I’ve done this show twice before in LA and I always try to read something brand new –something I write just for the show. Last time the ink was still wet on the paper and I was almost late for the show, it was so new. In fact I was out of paper. Some in the audience might have wondered why I was reading the story off of green construction paper. It was all I had left in the house. This time I have plenty of paper handy. All I’m missing is an idea of a story and the time to write it.

So… come see how it all turns out, won’t you?

Meantime… hi blog-readers! How’s it going? I am deciding right now to post more often. Doesn’t every person with a blog say that? And then what happens? Life? Jobs? Realizations that hardly anyone reads this so what’s the point? Well, it’s hard to get people to read when there isn’t much new for them to see. Kinda like one of those self-fulfilling prophecies.

I choose to defy it. I will continue to write sporadically yet I predict readership will rise. Why? Because of my stubborn refusal to read and understand The Secret. I am instead only going to absorb what I can through its derision in the media. I am going to think positive thoughts about wanting a bike and a piece of jewelry in the window of a fancy store. I’m going to cut out pictures from magazines and wish really hard and they’re going to manifest. Except who buys magazines anymore? Am I supposed to cut them out of my computer screen? That could be dangerous. I could get electrocuted and need a new monitor. I’d have to sue the makers of The Secret…

…which would make me rich enough to buy the bike and the jewelry! And everyone would visit my blog to read about how I did it!

MY GOD, IT REALLY DOES WORK!

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